| St. Louis Blues News | | | Eulogy: Remembering the 2011-12 Phoenix Coyotes (Puck Daddy)
(Ed. Note: As the Stanley Cup Playoffs continue, we're bound to lose some friends along the journey. We've asked for these losers, gone but not forgotten, to be eulogized by the people who knew the teams best: The fans who hated them the most . Here are Sam Fels and Matt McClure of Second City Hockey fondly recalling the 2011-12 Phoenix Coyotes. Again, this was not written by us ... OK, by all of us. Also: This is a roast and you will be offended by it , so don't take it so seriously.)
By Sam Fels and Matt McClure of Second City Hockey
Ladies and gentlemen, we've come here today to bury the Pho….wait a sec, are we sure they're dead? Sure they're not just lying about for effect? This is Mike Smith's and Michal Rozsival's team after all. Do we want to bring the doctors and trainers out, just to make a big show of it for effect? You're sure? Guess the game misconducts for losing classlessly indicate no pulse.
What's funny about the fact that we've been brought here to eulogize the Phoenix Coyotes is that we were asked. Bloggers for a team that up until recently regarded the Yotes as nothing more than something to fill out the schedule four times a year, and will feel that way again next year. We have it on good authority that bloggers from all four division opponents on Phoenix were asked to do this, and they all responded with "Sure Wysh, we'd love to. Wait, for who? Sorry, doesn't ring a bell."
But it all came to an end, as the Homer Simpson boxing approach to hockey finally ran out of luck when the Coyotes came up against the Drederick Tatum of the Western Conference in the Kings. The extra fluid padding the brain -- known as Mike Smith -- that let the rest of the Yotes pretty much get pummeled for large portions of the playoffs without a knockout finally succumbed.
It was fascinating hockey for all. Or no one. Take your pick.
From coach throwing to fan celebrations, Russia seems fairly pleased with gold at IIHF Worlds (VIDEO) (Puck Daddy)
Here is Russian national team head coach Zinetula Bilyaletdinov at his Bar Mitzvah.
No, check that: This is Russian national team head coach Zinetula Bilyaletdinov being thrown in the air by his players after they defeated Slovakia and captured the 2012 IIHF Ice Hockey World Championship on Sunday.
Is hip-hip-hooray people tossing a staple of Russian celebrations? Frankly, we wouldn't mind seeing this after a team wins the Stanley Cup. Preferably the New York Rangers ("Enough with the [expletive] [expletive] [expletive] tossing, you [expletives]") or the St. Louis Blues, a Herculean test of strength.
Here's are the Russians, throwing the old man:
Dude caught some air on that. Luckily for the coach, that went better than when Semyon Varlamov attempt to raise the IIHF trophy at center ice: ( s/t Marat Ryndin )
Best save of the tournament.
Coming up, celebrations of the Russian ice hockey victory from back home and in Helsinki, as well as the scene from Slovakia.
What We Learned: Embarrassing LA sports media moments while covering Kings playoff run (Puck Daddy)
Hello, this is a feature that will run through the entire season and aims to recap the weekend's events and boils those events down to one admittedly superficial fact or stupid opinion about each team. Feel free to complain about it.
It's possibly the greatest bit of investigative journalism conducted since Woodward and Bernstein brought down Richard Nixon.
This exemplary, collective effort of sleuth work is currently ongoing in Los Angeles, Calif., where an entire media market has unearthed the NHL's shocking secret:
The city has a professional hockey team.
Over the past week or so here at Puck Daddy, we've tried to document every startling discovery made by the intrepid Los Angeles media, like how to properly pronounce Anze Kopitar's name (it's hard because he's from Bosnia or something), the real name of this Drew Doughty character ( it's actually Brad !) and that hockey is in fact not played with a ball, but rather a little piece of rubber known as a "puck." That last one makes me pretty uncomfortable because of the word it rhymes with. ("Duck" — sorry, I just don't trust 'em; they have weird beaks).
Just how villainous is this team, operating as a sort of sporting sleeper cell? They got all the way to the Western Conference Finals without one local noticing. That takes real criminal talent. And not only that, but, the NHL had the diabolical idea to hide it right under the Los Angelinos' noses, by having their home games played at the Staples Center. You know, where the Lakers play. Further, they named the team the Kings to intentionally confuse even the savviest media organization into thinking they are the NBA's Sacramento Kings.
Astonishingly devious stuff. More twists and turns than the Da Vinci Code, which I've read three times just to make sure I understood it all.
The best bit of this journalism on this pressing issue comes, of course, from the city's paper of record, the Los Angeles Times, winner of 44 Pulitzer Prizes since 1942, including three in 2012. It was for that towering beacon of journalistic excellence that columnist Chris Erskine successfully scruted several of the team and sport's most inscrutable mysteries .
For instance, that thing I said earlier about the puck (again, yuck… oh and that's another gross word it rhymes with), I learned it from Erskine. Apparently they even freeze the thing. And that's a huge point of concern, because, "The hardest shots can reach 110 mph and tear flesh, crush bone, even kill you if you're not careful." Yikes, you guys!
( Coming Up: Rick Nash to Boston?; Tororella defends Prust; Ryan Suter faces his future; Evegni Malkin is having a pretty good season; why Lundqvist is King; why the Capitals can't win with Ovechkin; the Islanders know how to party; Canucks might keep Luongo; Ryan Miller on the CBA; Flames and Oilers coaching news; and are the Kings in trouble?)
Mellanby to Depart Blues Organization
ST. LOUIS â St. Louis Blues Executive Vice President and General Manager Doug Armstrong announced Wednesday that Blues Assistant Coach Scott Mellanby will depart from the organization to explore other career opportunities.
âWe thank Scott for h... Blues Sign 2010 Pick Jani Hakanpaa
ST. LOUIS â St. Louis Blues Executive Vice President and General Manager Doug Armstrong announced Monday the club has signed their fourth round pick (104th overall) of the 2010 Entry Draft, defenseman Jani Hakanpaa.
Hakanpaa, 20, recorded 12 ... Beard-a-thon Raises Over 40K for Charity
Doug Rasmussen raised more than $7,000 for charity by doing, well, almost absolutely nothing.
Usually clean shaven, Rasmussen stopped shaving and grew a Playoff beard to help support the Blues in the Stanley Cup Playoffs.
Rasmussen joined mo... | | | | |
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